Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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