so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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