please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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