So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
50% drunk capacity currently
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
