i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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