I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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