Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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