I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
