and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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