sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
