I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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