but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
