I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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