right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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