i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
