I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
