got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
