Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
