You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Two words: nipple clamps
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