there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
