my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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