no, he came in my armpit
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
