Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
