so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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