New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
