Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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