why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
