the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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