Too much gin, very little bucket
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
