it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
