I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
