AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
