would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
