dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
