You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize