well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
