I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
