I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
