dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
