I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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