there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
