In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
