Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I need a beard to bite.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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