I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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