Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
