Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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