hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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