so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
