I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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