he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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