I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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