I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im six kinds of drunk right now
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
