I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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