So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I want her autograph on my taint
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize