God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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