Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think i got beer on your cat.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize