dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
