I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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