guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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