Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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