DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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