let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
