i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
