the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
