my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize