He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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