there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
