He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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