Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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