You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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