How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
