so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
there is glitter all over my balls
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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