so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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