they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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